How To Lead A Men's Small Group | 12 Tips

If you’ve ever been to states in the US which see very little rain, like California or Montana, you’ve probably seen the billboards of Smokey the Bear with a hat, a shovel and a quote that says,

“Only you can prevent wildfires”

It seems a little dramatic but the point is, if each person in that state takes that responsibility personally and changes their behaviors to prevent wildfires, the likelihood of wildfires occurring decreases dramatically.

In Heart of a Man, “Only you can make your group truly great”.  The way that you carry yourself leading up to and within your Heart of a Man small group can dramatically impact and improve you and your entire group’s experience each week.

Here are 12 things that you can do to make your Bible Study small group truly great.  

1. Know the purpose.

Here at Heart of a Man, our Bible studies exist for the purpose of helping each man grow his relationship with God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and with other men. Whether you're using our content of someone else's, this model of pursuing relationships with Jesus and with the other men in the group should act as a guiding force as you structure your group time. If you look closely at how our lessons are written and how our meeting times are structured, you’ll see that we place growing these two sets of relationships on equal footing.  In Genesis we see God living in community with man, but when God looked at created man, he said, “It is not good for man to be alone”.  We need God and his Word, and we need close friendships and community with other men.  Growing these relationships is the purpose of our time together. We would encourage you to do the same.

2. Let God speak.

When you do your Heart of a Man Bible study lesson, pick a quiet location, alone, and keep commentaries or podcasts out of the room.  Those tools are valuable, but the aim of studying God’s word is to learn how to hear God speaking to you directly through his word and by his Spirit.  So, get a quiet place alone, set aside everything else, pray and ask God to speak to you, read the scripture and the questions, think, listen and then write down what you heard or thought.

3. Share. 

Tell the group what you learned.  Everyone grows when we share the ideas or lessons God taught us during our study time.  What God taught you may be the very thing another guy is desperately needing to hear from the Lord.  If the group is quiet, that may be a sign that you should share.

4. Leave room. 

On the flip side of the previous note, some of us may tend to share too much.  When I am the one doing most of the talking, I not only miss the opportunity to learn from others, but also, I may cause some men to be ignored or to feel left out.  For the betterment of the whole group, it’s important to leave room for others to share.

5. Avoid discussing politics. 

There are a few topics which can easily and instantly divide a room; politics is one of them.  While we as an organization believe that Godly men must be actively engaged in the governing activities of our country, those discussions are better held outside of your Heart of a Man Bible study group.

6. Listen & Ask. 

One of the best ways to connect with a person is to listen closely and ask them lots of questions.  Doing this with the men in your group will bond you together, building both trust and understanding. It shows that you heard him, you understand what he's saying, and you value his contribution. Think about a time when you went to coffee with a man to talk about a subject you really love. Did it feel difficult to ask more questions and dive deeper? Probably not. Our goal is for you to feel this same level of curiosity and engagement when asking a man about his thoughts on the Scriptures.

7. Respect each other. 

The men of Heart of a Man come from many different churches and denominations.  In Jesus’ prayer in John 17, he asks God to help Christians be one with one another just as he and the Father are one. Each of us must care for and not criticize our Christian brothers who come from different backgrounds.

8. No fixing. 

When a man in my group shares something vulnerable and I respond to him with a solution: “you should do this… or I would recommend doing that”, this is what we call “fixing” him.  When I carry myself in this way it does 3 things: 

1. It says, “I know better than you”

2. It says, “You’re broken and I’m not”

3. It teaches the man that being vulnerable within the group is not safe. 

Our Heart of a Man groups must be protected as safe environments where a man can be honest without being corrected or fixed.  The only time solutions should be offered is when a man explicitly asks for advice.

9. Go to the Word. 

During your discussion time, you may hear a statement from another man that sounds out of alignment with your understanding of God’s word.  Rather than giving your opinion, ask what Scripture supports his view and then have a friendly discussion about the topic focused on God’s written words rather than on your own subjective understanding or opinion.

10. Be Vulnerable. 

One of the greatest ways to promote warmth and trust within your group is to share your shortcomings or mistakes before your trophies or wins.  It’s a lot easier to relate to a man who is flawed than to a guy who seems to have it all figured out. This is fastest way to build trust in a group of men. As the facilitator, your job is to model for the other men what honesty, vulnerability, and truth-telling look like. Your job is NOT to create the facade of spiritual elitism in hopes that the men will aspire to it or see you as exceptionally "Christian". A humble, honest, prayer-driven leader is a man worth following.

11. Keep it confidential. 

In any men's bible study group, you should always aim to keep what you hear within that group inside of the group.  By keeping these discussions confidential, trust and safety will become part of the DNA of your group, making it a place where you can authentically share without fear of your story becoming another man’s gossip.

12. Be present. 

Like every healthy relationship, the only way you’ll grow in and experience the benefits of your relationship with God and the men in your group is by being consistently present each week.  Researcher and professor Jeffrey Hall makes it clear that it takes 40-60 hours of shared time to build a casual friendship, 80-100 for a regular friendship, and 200+ hours to build a close friendship.  This means, if you are committed to being present in Heart of a Man or in your small group each week, by the end of year 1 you will have real friendships you did not have before, by the end of year 2 those friendships will be substantive, and by year 3 you will have valuable, committed friendships which impact your life deeply.  And the same will be true about your relationship with God himself.

You have the power to make your group and your experience in truly great, to create an atmosphere where new men feel welcome, where the Holy Spirit is invited in to speak through the Scriptures, and where the depth of relationship with Jesus and with each other is the hallmark.